史蒂夫 艾奇遜
It can be extremely difficult to focus on the good when, seemingly, bad things are happening in your life. However you can train your mind to focus on the good things in your life rather than dwelling on the bad. No it’s not one of those positive thinking articles that you’ve read all over the web and are sick and tired of. This is about changing the way you think, changing your thinking pattern. Do you use any of these thinking patterns in your day to day life?
是否曾感到過生活的陰霾揮之不去，是否總會(huì)深陷于痛苦而難以自拔？我們不防嘗試著轉(zhuǎn)換一下思維方式，或許會(huì)峰回路轉(zhuǎn)，柳暗花明。網(wǎng)絡(luò)上流傳了很多宣揚(yáng)積極療法的文章，而這里我們提倡地是在潛移默化中逐漸轉(zhuǎn)變思維方式。下面列舉的8種不良思維方式會(huì)常常出現(xiàn)在你的日常生活中嗎？
8 limiting patterns of thinking
8種不良思維方式
‘Life is shit’ Thinking pattern –Everything in life is bad, everybody is not to be trusted and nothing good will ever happen to them e.g. “I won’t get that job, the interviewer didn’t like me, I didn’t particularly like them anyway.”
思維方式1 ‘人生一團(tuán)糟’———生活中的一切都不盡如人意，難以信任他人，認(rèn)為生活必然是一團(tuán)糟。例如，“我是不會(huì)得到那份工作的，因?yàn)檎衅刚卟徽J(rèn)可我，況且我也不太喜歡他們?！?b style="BACKGROUND: none transparent scroll repeat 0% 0%" class="label bg2" jquery1319682313500="53">
‘Unsubstantiated conclusive’ Thinking pattern– You tend to make a lot of conclusions without any evidence to back up your conclusions. This can be a really destructive pattern as it can limit you in seeing reality for what it is e.g. “He walks a bit funny, he must be gay.” (I actually heard someone saying this about a colleague last week).
思維方式2 “毫無根據(jù)的總結(jié)”——常常會(huì)做一些總結(jié)性而毫無根據(jù)的論斷。這種思維方式會(huì)掩蓋事實(shí)的真相。如有的人評(píng)論他人時(shí)說“他的走路方式很有意思，他肯定是個(gè)同性戀?！保ㄉ现芪衣牭接腥诉@樣討論一位同事）。
‘Never to me’ Thinking pattern – This is when you think nothing good will ever happen to you. This can be a deep seated way of thinking and it is a deep down inability to believe you are worthy of anything good happening to you e.g. “I’ll never have money, I’ve never had it before so I’ll never have it in the future, might as well carry on with this shitty job, at least it pays the mortgage.”
思維方式3 “否定自我”——這種思維方式往往會(huì)根深蒂固，深信自己永遠(yuǎn)與成功失之交臂。如“我不可能擁有很多財(cái)富，過去沒有，將來的我也不會(huì)擁有。所以我還是好好地干好這份工作，至少它還能幫我付貸款。”
‘The negative psychic’ Thinking pattern – Presuming you know what people are thinking about you and it’s all bad. e.g. “She thinks I’m an idiot, I’ll try to avoid talking to her.”
思維方式4 “消極心理”——認(rèn)定別人對(duì)自己的看法都是不好的，不利的。例如，“她一定認(rèn)為我是個(gè)白癡，所以我今后要避開她，不與之交談”。
‘Should, would, could’ Thinking pattern – This type of person knows what they have to do to change their life, they are capable and they know it and they would do it if only……… e.g. “I know I could go to university and I would, but I’m just to busy with other things right now, I’ll apply next year.”
思維方式5 “我將，我會(huì)，我可以”——不斷計(jì)劃而不付諸實(shí)際行動(dòng)。在改變現(xiàn)狀時(shí)，他們知道自己需要做什么？該怎樣做？有能力并且堅(jiān)信將來能夠?qū)崿F(xiàn)。例如“我以后要上大學(xué)，我一定能實(shí)現(xiàn)，只是我現(xiàn)在還很忙，明年我將會(huì)付諸行動(dòng)。”
‘Emotion based’ Thinking pattern – Your emotions control what you are thinking and therefore your vision of what reality is e.g. “I feel incapable of doing that so I must be incapable”.
思維方式6 “基于感性”——由感性控制思維。例如“我感到自己勝任不了，真的，所以我一定完成不了任務(wù)?！?b class="label bg2" jquery1319682313500="58">
‘It’s all my fault’ Thinking pattern – You see yourself as being the cause of everything bad that has happened e.g. “It’s my fault he left me for another woman.” You’ll notice this type of person does not take responsibility for the good things that happen.
思維方式7 “一切過錯(cuò)皆由我起”——無論什么事情發(fā)生了變故后，都認(rèn)為是自己的過錯(cuò)，哪怕是代人受過。例如：“他之所以離開我而與別的女人在一起，是因?yàn)槲易龅牟粔蚝??！蹦銜?huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)有這種想法的人決不會(huì)。
‘They’re all wrong’ Thinking pattern – You see everyone as incapable of doing anything right and your way is the best way to do it e.g. “He can’t do it right, I’ll stay late tonight and fix it when he’s gone.”
思維方式8 “別人都是錯(cuò)的”——對(duì)他人的能力抱懷疑態(tài)度，而自大的認(rèn)為只有自己的做法才是最好的?！八豢赡茏鰧?duì)，我會(huì)待到晚上，等他走后再修改一下。”
These are just some of the common thinking patterns I have come across in my life and I have used some of them myself, I used to use mix the ‘Never to me’ and ‘The negative psychic’ thinking patterns about everything, “She’ll never go out with me she thinks I’m an idiot.” I made a conscious effort to change what I believed about myself and what I believed about the world and it has literally changed my life.
這些思維方式很普遍，都是我在生活中曾經(jīng)遇到過的。我曾經(jīng)嘗試過自己使用，總會(huì)將“否定自我”和“消極心理”混淆起來?！霸谒劾?，我是白癡，她一定不會(huì)接受我的邀請(qǐng)。”我下意識(shí)地使自己改變這種想法以及對(duì)世界的固有看法，最后真得改變了自己。
How to change the destructive thinking patterns
如何轉(zhuǎn)變這些固有的思維方式？
The first stage of changing is to recognise the problem – You will find a lot of people in life who just don’t think there is a problem so there is no need to change. If this is you then do nothing. If you want to change you must think there is a need and you will start to recognise what things need to change and it usually starts with your perception of life. Everybody’s perception of life is different, therefore everyone’s reality is different. I don’t live in the same world as you and you don’t live in the same world as me. That might sound a strange concept to some people, but think about it for a few minutes, it could change the way you see the world. I’ll give you an example:
第一步：認(rèn)清問題——相當(dāng)一部分人難以發(fā)現(xiàn)自身存在的問題，所以會(huì)固執(zhí)地認(rèn)為改變自己是多此一舉。但如果你已經(jīng)發(fā)現(xiàn)問題并且下定決心去改變，那么就要開始關(guān)注癥結(jié)所在。改變?nèi)松^將是你邁開的第一步。世界上沒有相同的兩片葉子。在這個(gè)千姿百態(tài)的社會(huì)里，每個(gè)人的人生觀、世界觀不盡相同。正視這個(gè)問題才能更好地改變自己，形成正確的世界觀。例如：
In 2004 I took a redundancy package from my place of employment and received about ￡10,000 for my troubles, not a lot at all when I was earning ￡25,000 a year when I left. I was speaking to my friend about it and he thought I was absolutely nuts to do it, especially since I was married with two children. I explained to him how free I felt and what plans I had to start an online book dealing business and my wife was right behind me. He still thought I was crazy. My perception of the world was one of opportunity, life was great and I was free from the rat race for a while and I would get to see my wife and children a lot more than I had, I was ecstatic and if it didn’t work out I had a lot of skills to offer another employer. My friends perception was one of doom and gloom, he needed the security of a full time job even though he hated it and was working 12 hours per day. It turns out I worked at it for 1 year made a good profit but gave it up due to a huge downturn in business. At the end of it I was still optimistic as I knew I was good enough to get another job until I could do something else.
2004年我從公司辭職并且獲得了1萬英磅的補(bǔ)償費(fèi)。這個(gè)費(fèi)用和過去每年掙25英磅比起來是微不足道的。而當(dāng)我的朋友知道后，他非常不能理解，因?yàn)槲乙呀?jīng)是有兩個(gè)孩子的父親?？墒俏腋嬖V他丟下工作的我一身輕松，并且計(jì)劃好進(jìn)行網(wǎng)上售書。更讓我欣慰的是，我的妻子一直在背后默默地支持著我。盡管如此，我的朋友依然認(rèn)為我很瘋狂。
但是我這樣做是在給自己一次機(jī)會(huì)，因?yàn)樯顚?duì)我來說很重要。當(dāng)我從殘酷的事業(yè)競(jìng)爭(zhēng)中解脫出來時(shí)，當(dāng)我不必再為了蠅頭小利而爭(zhēng)得頭破血流時(shí)，我可以有更多地時(shí)間來照顧妻兒。為此，我感到非常幸福。假使有一天我創(chuàng)業(yè)失敗了，但我依然有很多技能來為別人打工。而我的朋友認(rèn)為這樣做的前景不容樂觀。能有一份穩(wěn)定的全職工作，哪怕不喜歡或者每天連續(xù)工作12小時(shí)也好的。一年后的確有了不少回報(bào)，但是在經(jīng)歷了低迷期后，我毅然選擇了放棄。自始至終我都保持樂觀的態(tài)度，因?yàn)槲蚁嘈旁谧銎渌虑榍拔胰杂心芰υ佾@得另一份工作。
Everybody’s view of the world is different and it all comes down to the thinking patterns you use in your daily life. If you think life is wonderful you will notice the wonderful things in your life, if you think life is shit you will find shit things about life. Change your thoughts and you literally change the world you are living in. First you have to recognise your destructive thinking pattern.
世界觀的差異會(huì)造成人們?nèi)粘Ｋ季S方式的不同。當(dāng)你認(rèn)為生活絢爛多姿時(shí)，你會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)生活充滿樂趣；反之，你的世界將是灰白的。改變你的想法才能改變這個(gè)世界。而首當(dāng)其沖地就是認(rèn)清自己有哪些不良思維方式。
The second stage is to be aware of when you are using the destructive thinking patterns – We can employ different thinking patterns depending on what we are doing in life. For example you could use a positive thinking pattern at work as you are very confident in your ability and yet use a destructive one when it comes to looking for love. Recognising when you use destructive thinking patterns can help you to change that pattern. Now that you have recognised when you use the destructive thinking patterns it is now time to change it.
第二步：意識(shí)到這些思維方式何時(shí)發(fā)生——不同的行為會(huì)產(chǎn)生不同的思維方式。例如有的人在工作時(shí)表現(xiàn)得相當(dāng)自信，所以習(xí)慣使用積極的思維方式；但是面臨情感問題時(shí)，卻總是很悲觀。只有意識(shí)自己何時(shí)會(huì)進(jìn)行這些思維方式才能更好地轉(zhuǎn)換?，F(xiàn)在你是不是已經(jīng)意識(shí)到了呢，那該開始改變了。
The third stage is to replace the bad with the good – This is something that you don’t do immediately. You don’t say to yourself ‘I’ll never be able to do that”, which is you old thinking pattern, to “Oh yes I can”. That won’t work. You have to let the old pattern die slowly whilst slowly introducing your new improved thinking pattern. Here an example:
第三步：用好的思維方式取而代之——這一步不能立即見效。過去習(xí)慣對(duì)自己說：“我永遠(yuǎn)不能”，那么現(xiàn)在我對(duì)自己說“我一定可以?！眱H僅這樣是不能奏效的。在那些頑固不化的思維方式徹底消失前，只有自己努力轉(zhuǎn)換思維方式，才能使舊的思維方式逐漸被取代。例如：
You are out in a club and you want to talk to someone you are attracted to. Your thoughts are “ She’ll never talk to me, she’s gorgeous.” You will immediately recognise this pattern of thinking and tell yourself something good about yourself e.g. “I’m good at _______(FILL IN THE BLANK), it can be anything. This will not immediately help your situation but it will slowly begin to change your old destructive thinking pattern with a new one.
在俱樂部，你想與一位美女攀談。一閃而過的想法是“她真是美若天仙，跟她交談是癡心妄想?！倍@時(shí)你將立即發(fā)現(xiàn)自己產(chǎn)生了固定思維，這時(shí)需要提醒自己換一個(gè)角度想問題?！拔乙埠艹鲱惏屋停疑瞄L(zhǎng)_______”。這或許會(huì)立即幫助你走出困境，并且漸漸地改變那些固有思維方式。
This stage takes place over time and is not done immediately. The best time to change a destructive thinking pattern is to let it run it’s course and slowly replace it with a thinking pattern that is better for you. I know people want a microwave life, stick it in the micro and it’s ready in 3 minutes, your life is not like that and you cannot change in 1 day, unless something drastic happens.
這個(gè)階段是潛移默化的，不會(huì)立桿見影。改變思維方式的最佳時(shí)間是當(dāng)它不知不覺開始時(shí)，用一種適合方式進(jìn)行改變。有很多人想擁有一種“微波生活”，放入微波只需3分鐘就能改變。但生活很難在1天內(nèi)改變，除非有重大的事情發(fā)生。但你也可以一次改變幾種思維方式。
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