對(duì)很多人來(lái)說(shuō)，父母離婚都標(biāo)志著他們生命中的一個(gè)轉(zhuǎn)折點(diǎn)，不論這是陳年舊事還是此時(shí)此刻正在發(fā)生。
About half the marriages in the United States today end in divorce, so plenty of kids and teens have to go through this. But when it happens to you, you can feel very alone and unsure of what it all means.
今天，美國(guó)的婚姻中大約有一半以離婚而告終，所以很多幼童和十幾歲的孩子都有這樣的經(jīng)歷。盡管如此，當(dāng)這一切發(fā)生到你頭上時(shí)，你還是會(huì)感覺很孤單，不能確定這一切意味著什么。
It may seem hard, but it is possible to cope with divorce — and have a good family life in spite of some changes divorce may bring.
事情看起來(lái)也許很糟，不過父母離婚是可以應(yīng)付過去的。雖然離婚會(huì)帶來(lái)一些變化，但你仍然有可能享受快樂的家庭生活。
Why Are My Parents Divorcing?
我父母為什么要離婚？
Parents divorce for many reasons. Usually divorce happens when couples feel they can no longer live together due to fighting and anger, or because the love they had when they married has changed. Divorce can also be because one parent falls in love with someone else, and sometimes it is due to a serious problem like drinking, abuse, or gambling. Sometimes nothing bad happens, but parents just decide to live apart.
父母離婚有多種原因。通常當(dāng)夫妻倆感覺他們不能再繼續(xù)生活在一起了，他們就會(huì)離婚，這可能是因?yàn)樗麄冎g的爭(zhēng)執(zhí)和吵鬧，也可能是因?yàn)楫?dāng)初他們?yōu)橹Y(jié)婚的愛情已經(jīng)變質(zhì)，可能是因?yàn)楦改钢械囊环綈凵狭藙e人，也可能是因?yàn)橹T如酗酒、虐待、賭博這樣嚴(yán)重的問題。還有的時(shí)候可能什么也沒發(fā)生，父母只是決定想要分開生活了。
Did you know it’s really common for teens to think that their parents' divorce is somehow their fault? Just try to remember that parents' decisions to split up are to do with issues between them, and not because of something you might have done or not done.
你知道嗎，很多十幾歲的孩子都以為，父母離婚是他們的錯(cuò)？你一定要記住，父母決定分手純粹是因?yàn)樗麄冎g有問題，不是因?yàn)槟阕隽嘶蛘邲]有做什么。
Some kids feel guilty about what happened, or wish they had prevented arguments by cooperating more within the family, doing better with their behavior, or getting better grades. But separation and divorce are a result of a couple's problems with each other, not with their kids. The decisions adults make about divorce are their own.
有些孩子會(huì)為所發(fā)生的事情感到內(nèi)疚，以為如果他能跟家里人多配合，行為更得體，或者成績(jī)更好，父母就不會(huì)爭(zhēng)吵。但是，分居和離婚是因?yàn)橐粚?duì)夫妻彼此之間出了問題，而不是因?yàn)樗麄兊暮⒆印３赡耆擞嘘P(guān)離婚的決定純屬他們個(gè)人的事情。
If your parents are divorcing, you may experience many feelings. Your emotions may change frequently, too. You may feel stressed out, angry, frustrated, or sad. You might feel protective of one parent or blame one for the situation. You may feel abandoned, afraid, worried, or guilty. You may also feel relieved, especially if there has been a lot of tension or fighting at home. These feelings are very typical and talking about them with a friend, family member, or trusted adult can really help.
如果父母離婚，你可能會(huì)有許多不同的感受。你的情緒可能會(huì)經(jīng)常波動(dòng)，你會(huì)感覺緊張、憤怒、沮喪或者悲哀。你可能會(huì)因此偏向父母中的一方而責(zé)備另一方。你可能會(huì)感到被遺棄了，害怕、擔(dān)憂甚至有負(fù)罪感。如果以前家里的氣氛一直很緊張，甚至父母經(jīng)常打架，你也可能會(huì)感覺松了一口氣。這些感受都是非常正常的，如果你能跟朋友、家里人或者你信賴的成年人談一談，這會(huì)對(duì)你大有幫助。
How Will Divorce Change My Life?
父母離婚對(duì)我的生活會(huì)有什么影響？
Depending on what happens in your family, you might have to adjust to many changes. These could include things like moving, changing schools, spending time with both parents separately, and perhaps dealing with parents' unpleasant feelings about one another.
根據(jù)你家里的具體情況，你可能需要適應(yīng)很多變化，可能要搬家、換學(xué)校、跟父母輪流生活，還可能要應(yīng)付父母對(duì)于彼此的不快感覺。
Your parents may go to court to determine custody arrangements. You could end up living with one parent most of the time and visiting the other, or your parents may split their time with you evenly. At the beginning, it means you might have to be flexible and might have more hassles to deal with for a while.
你父母也許會(huì)為了監(jiān)護(hù)權(quán)上法院打官司，結(jié)果你可能會(huì)主要跟其中一方住而只訪問另一方，也可能你父母會(huì)平分跟你在一起生活的時(shí)間。這意味著開始的時(shí)候，你必須靈活些，而且在相當(dāng)一段時(shí)間內(nèi)，麻煩可能還會(huì)增加。
Some teens have to travel between parents, and that can create challenges both socially and practically. Over time you can figure out a new routine that works for all of you. Often, it takes a while for custody arrangements to be finalized. This can give people time to adapt to these big changes and let families figure out what works best.
有些十幾歲的孩子不得不在父母雙方之間來(lái)回旅行，這不論對(duì)社會(huì)還是在實(shí)際操作的層面上都是一個(gè)挑戰(zhàn)。經(jīng)過一段時(shí)間以后，你們會(huì)摸索出一套人人都能接受的新安排。通常，監(jiān)護(hù)權(quán)都需要一段時(shí)間才能最終決定，這也讓大家有時(shí)間適應(yīng)這些變化，讓家庭成員一起決定什么是最好的結(jié)果。
Money matters may change for your parents, too. A parent who didn't work during the marriage may need to find a job to pay for rent or a mortgage. This might be something a parent is excited about, but he or she may also feel nervous or pressured about finances. There are also expenses associated with divorce, from lawyers' fees to the cost of moving to a new place to live.
你父母的經(jīng)濟(jì)狀況也可能會(huì)發(fā)生變化。離婚前不工作的一方可能需要找工作來(lái)付房租或者貸款買房。這可能會(huì)讓這位家長(zhǎng)感覺興奮，也可能會(huì)讓他或她緊張并為財(cái)務(wù)狀況發(fā)愁。離婚也需要費(fèi)用，包括律師費(fèi)、搬家費(fèi)等。
Your family may not be able to afford all the things you were used to before the divorce. This is one of the difficult changes often associated with divorce. There can be good changes too — but how you cope with the stressful changes depends on your situation, your personality, and your support network.
你家可能不再象離婚前那樣，買得起所有你已經(jīng)習(xí)以為常的東西。這是離婚所經(jīng)常帶來(lái)的困境之一。當(dāng)然也可能出現(xiàn)正面的變化，而你如何應(yīng)對(duì)這些壓力完全取決于你的境況、個(gè)性以及你所得到的支持。
What Parents and Teens Can Do to Make It Easier
父母跟孩子如何做才能度過難關(guān)
Keep the peace. Dealing with divorce is easiest when parents get along. Teens find it especially hard when their parents fight and argue or act with bitterness toward each other. You can't do much to influence how your parents behave during a divorce, but you can ask them to do their best to call a truce to any bickering or unkind things they might be saying about each other.
保持平靜。如果父母相處融洽，離婚就很容易應(yīng)付。讓十幾歲的孩子感覺最困難的，就是父母打架、爭(zhēng)吵或者惡意相向。你可能沒有辦法影響父母在離婚期間的行為，但是你可以要求他們?cè)跔?zhēng)吵或者惡言相對(duì)時(shí)盡可能地休戰(zhàn)。
No matter what problems a couple may face, as parents they need to handle visiting arrangements peacefully to minimize the stress their kids may feel. Letting your parents know that even though you know everyone is super-stressed, you don’t want to get caught in the middle.
夫妻之間不論有什么問題，作為父母都應(yīng)該盡可能心平氣和地討論訪問權(quán)的安排，以減少孩子所承受的壓力。你可以讓你父母明白，雖然你知道大家都有很多壓力，但你不想夾在他們兩個(gè)中間。
Be fair. Most teens say it's important that parents don't try to get them to "take sides." You need to feel free to hang out with and talk to each of your parents without the other parent acting jealous, hurt, or mad. It's unfair for anyone to feel that talking to one parent is being disloyal to the other or that the burden of one parent's happiness is on your shoulders.
要公平。很多十幾歲的孩子都說(shuō)，父母不應(yīng)該要求他們?cè)陔p方之間選擇一方。你應(yīng)該可以隨心所欲地跟父母中的任何一方出去游玩或者交談，而不用擔(dān)心另一方會(huì)因此嫉妒、受傷或抓狂。如果跟父母中的一方說(shuō)話就是對(duì)另一方不忠，或者其中一方把幸福全壓在你的肩上，這是不公平的。
When parents find it hard to let go of bitterness or anger, or if they are depressed about the changes brought on by divorce, they can find help from a counselor or therapist. This can help parents get past the pain divorce may have created, to find personal happiness, and to lift any burdens from their kids. Kids and teens can also benefit from seeing a family therapist or someone who specializes in helping them get through the stress of a family breakup. It might feel weird at first to talk to someone you don't know about personal feelings, but it can be really helpful to hear about how other teens in your situation have coped.
如果父母感覺很難釋放心里的怨恨或憤怒，或者因?yàn)殡x婚帶來(lái)的變化而感到抑郁，他們應(yīng)該向咨詢師或心理治療師去尋求幫助。這能幫助父母解除離婚帶來(lái)的痛苦，找到個(gè)人的幸福，并解脫孩子的負(fù)擔(dān)。幼童和十幾歲的孩子去看家庭治療師或者專門從事于幫助孩子應(yīng)對(duì)破碎家庭壓力的人員，也會(huì)從中受益。雖然開始時(shí)，跟一個(gè)你不認(rèn)識(shí)的人討論你的感情可能感覺很古怪，不過當(dāng)你得知其他十幾歲的孩子是如何應(yīng)付你所面臨的情況時(shí)，你會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)這對(duì)你的幫助會(huì)很大。
Keep in touch. Going back and forth between two homes can be tough, especially if parents live far apart. It can be a good idea to keep in touch with a parent you see less often because of distance. Even a quick email saying "I'm thinking of you" helps ease the feelings of missing each other. Making an effort to stay in touch when you're apart can keep both of you up to date on everyday activities and ideas.
保持聯(lián)系。在兩個(gè)家之間搬來(lái)搬去很不容易，特別是當(dāng)父母的住處相距遙遠(yuǎn)時(shí)。由于距離的關(guān)系，你可能跟父母中的一方不能經(jīng)常見面，這時(shí)保持聯(lián)系是個(gè)很好的做法。一封短短的電郵，一句“我想你”，都會(huì)有助于化解彼此的思念。不在一起時(shí)努力保持聯(lián)系，可以讓彼此都了解對(duì)方的日?；顒?dòng)和想法。
Work it out. You may want both parents to come to special events, like games, meets, plays, or recitals. But sometimes a parent may find it awkward to attend if the other is present. It helps if parents can figure out a way to make this work, especially because you may need to feel the support and presence of both parents even more during divorce. You might be able to come up with an idea for a compromise or solution to this problem and suggest it to both parents.
尋找解決辦法。你可能會(huì)希望父母都能出席某些特殊場(chǎng)合，比如比賽啦，會(huì)議啦，表演啦，排練啦等等，但是有時(shí)候，父母中的一方在場(chǎng)時(shí)，另一方可能會(huì)感覺尷尬。當(dāng)然父母最好能想出個(gè)解決辦法，尤其是你因?yàn)楦改鸽x婚而更需要父母雙方都在現(xiàn)場(chǎng)支持。也許你能找到個(gè)折中的辦法，來(lái)幫助父母雙方一起解決這個(gè)難題。
Talk about the future. Many teens whose parents divorce worry that their own plans for the future could be affected. Some are concerned that the costs of divorce (like legal fees and expenses of two households) might mean there will be less money for college or other things.
討論未來(lái)。很多父母離婚的十幾歲的孩子會(huì)擔(dān)心，他們對(duì)于自己未來(lái)的規(guī)劃會(huì)受到影響。有些孩子會(huì)擔(dān)心，離婚的費(fèi)用（比如法律費(fèi)用、分開居住的費(fèi)用）意味著他們將來(lái)上大學(xué)或做其它事情的錢就不夠了。
Pick a good time to tell your parents about your concerns — when there's enough time to sit down with one or both parents to discuss how the divorce will affect you. Don't worry about putting added stress on your parents, just try to pick a good time to talk when everyone is feeling calm. It's better to bring your concerns into the open than to keep them to yourself and let worries or resentment build. There are solutions for most problems and advisors and counselors who can help teens and their parents find those solutions.
找個(gè)適當(dāng)?shù)臋C(jī)會(huì)告訴父母你的擔(dān)心——時(shí)間一定要充裕，讓你可以跟父母中的一方或雙方坐下來(lái)，討論離婚對(duì)你的影響。不要擔(dān)心給父母增加額外的壓力，重要的是找個(gè)合適的機(jī)會(huì)，在大家都平心靜氣的時(shí)候交談。如果你有所擔(dān)心，最好挑明說(shuō)出來(lái)，而不要自己在那里瞎發(fā)愁、瞎抱怨。多數(shù)問題都有辦法解決，有些顧問和咨詢師可以幫助孩子和他們的父母找到辦法。
Figure out your strengths. How do you deal with stress? Do you get angry and take it out on siblings, friends, or yourself? Or are you someone who is a more of a pleaser who puts others first? Do you tend to avoid conflict altogether and just hope that problems will magically disappear?
發(fā)現(xiàn)自己的長(zhǎng)處。你是如何應(yīng)對(duì)壓力的？你是不是會(huì)生氣，然后跟兄弟姐妹、朋友或自己過不去？你是不是總把別人放在首位，愿意讓別人高興？你是不是喜歡回避矛盾，希望所有問題都會(huì)神奇地自己消失？
A life-changing event like a divorce can put people through some tough times, but it can also help them learn about their strengths, and put in place some new coping skills. For example, how can you cope if one parent bad-mouths another? Sometimes staying quiet until the anger has subsided and then discussing it calmly with your mom or dad can help. You may want to tell them you have a right to love both your parents, no matter what they are doing to each other.
象父母離婚這樣讓人改變一生的事件，的確會(huì)給人生帶來(lái)波折，但是也能幫助你了解自己的長(zhǎng)處，學(xué)習(xí)新的應(yīng)對(duì)技巧。比如，如果父母中的一方說(shuō)另一方的壞話，你要怎么辦？有時(shí)候，靜靜地等你媽媽或爸爸發(fā)完火，再跟他們心平氣和地交談，會(huì)對(duì)事情很有幫助。你可以告訴他們，無(wú)論他們彼此做些什么，你都有權(quán)愛他們兩個(gè)人。
If you need help figuring out your strengths or how to cope — like from a favorite aunt or from your school counselor — ask for it! And if you find it hard to confront your parents, try writing them a letter. Figure out what works for you.
如果你需要?jiǎng)e人幫你發(fā)掘長(zhǎng)處，找到解決辦法——比如通過你喜歡的姑姑或者學(xué)校的指導(dǎo)老師——告訴他們！如果你覺得很難直接面對(duì)你的父母，你可以試著寫封信。找出最適合你的方式。
Live your life. Sometimes during a divorce, parents may be so caught up in their own changes it can feel like your own life is on hold. In addition to staying focused on your own plans and dreams, make sure you participate in as many of your normal activities as possible. When things are changing at home, it can really help to keep some things, such as school activities and friends, the same.
過你自己的生活。有時(shí)候在離婚期間，父母雙方完全沉浸在自己的變化中，以至于你會(huì)覺得沒人管你。這時(shí)，你一方面應(yīng)該繼續(xù)瞄準(zhǔn)自己的計(jì)劃和夢(mèng)想，一方面可以盡可能多地參加正常的活動(dòng)。當(dāng)家庭發(fā)生變動(dòng)時(shí)，保持學(xué)?；顒?dòng)和朋友不變，對(duì)你會(huì)很有幫助。
If things get too hard at home, see if you can stay with a friend or relative until things calm down. Take care of yourself by eating right and getting regular exercise — two great stress busters! Figure out what's important to you — spending time with friends, working hard at school, writing or drawing, or being great at basketball. Finding your inner strength and focusing on your own goals can really help your stress levels.
如果家里情況太糟，看看你能不能到朋友或親戚家借住一段時(shí)間，直到家里情況安定下來(lái)。好好照顧你自己，飲食得當(dāng)并鍛煉身體——這兩項(xiàng)都是解除壓力的法寶！想想什么對(duì)你最重要——跟朋友在一起，在學(xué)校用功，寫作，繪畫，或者籃球打得出色。找到你內(nèi)在的支柱，把注意力集中在你自己的目標(biāo)上，這都可以大大緩解你的壓力。
Let others support you. Talk about your feelings and reactions to the divorce with someone you trust. If you're feeling down or upset, let your friends and family members support you. These feelings usually pass. If they don't, and if you're feeling depressed or stressed out, or if it's hard to concentrate on your normal activities, let a counselor or therapist help you. Your parents, school counselor, or a doctor or other health professional can help you find one.
讓別人幫助你。跟你信任的人談?wù)勀銓?duì)于父母離婚的感受和反應(yīng)。如果你感覺沮喪難過，讓你的朋友和家里人支持你。這種感覺通常都會(huì)過去。如果不行，如果你感覺非常抑郁或者筋疲力竭，如果你在日?；顒?dòng)中無(wú)法集中精力，讓指導(dǎo)老師或治療師幫助你。你的父母、學(xué)校指導(dǎo)老師、醫(yī)生或健康專家都能幫你找到辦法。
Many communities and schools have support groups for kids and teens whose parents have divorced. It can really help to talk with other people your age who are going through similar experiences.
很多社區(qū)和學(xué)校都有為父母離婚的幼童和十幾歲的孩子組織的支持小組。跟有相同經(jīng)歷的同齡人談?wù)?，?duì)你會(huì)很有幫助。
Bringing Out the Positive
尋找正面變化
There will be ups and downs in the process, but teens can cope successfully with their parents' divorce and the changes it brings. You might even discover some unexpected positives. Many teens find their parents are actually happier after the divorce or they may develop new and better ways of relating to both parents when they have separate time with each one.
十幾歲的孩子完全可以成功地應(yīng)對(duì)父母離婚及其帶來(lái)的變化，雖然這個(gè)過程注定有起起伏伏。你甚至可能會(huì)意外發(fā)現(xiàn)一些正面的變化。很多十幾歲的孩子發(fā)現(xiàn)，他們的父母離婚后更快樂了，或者當(dāng)他們跟父母雙方分別相處時(shí)，他們之間有了新的了解，比過去的關(guān)系更好了。
Some teens learn compassion and caring skills when a younger brother or sister needs their support and care. Siblings who are closer in age may form tighter bonds, learning to count on each other more because they're facing the challenges of their parents' divorce together.
有些十幾歲的孩子因?yàn)樾枰疹櫤椭С值艿芑蛎妹茫瑥亩型樾?，也學(xué)到了照顧弟妹的技巧。年齡相仿的孩子之間會(huì)發(fā)展出更強(qiáng)烈的情感紐帶，因?yàn)樗麄冊(cè)谝黄鹈鎸?duì)父母離婚的挑戰(zhàn)時(shí)，必須學(xué)習(xí)彼此依賴。
Coping well with divorce also can bring out strength and maturity. Some become more responsible, better problem solvers, better listeners, or better friends. Looking back on the experience, lots of people say that they learned coping skills they never knew they had and feel stronger and more resilient as a result of what they went through.
應(yīng)對(duì)離婚也能讓一個(gè)人更堅(jiān)強(qiáng)，更成熟。有些人變得更有責(zé)任心，更會(huì)解決問題，更會(huì)傾聽，成為更好的朋友?；仡欉^去，很多人都說(shuō)，他們學(xué)到了以往沒有的應(yīng)對(duì)技能，經(jīng)歷了父母離婚，他們變得更堅(jiān)強(qiáng)，更有適應(yīng)能力。
Many movies have been made about divorce and stepfamilies — some with happy endings, some not. That's how it is in real life too. But most teens who go through a divorce learn (sometimes to their surprise) that they can make it through this difficult situation successfully.
有很多關(guān)于離婚和再婚家庭的電影，有些結(jié)局圓滿，有些不是?，F(xiàn)實(shí)生活也是如此，但是多數(shù)經(jīng)歷過父母離婚的十幾歲的孩子都發(fā)現(xiàn)（有時(shí)連他們自己都感到吃驚），他們可以從這個(gè)困境中成功地走出來(lái)。
Giving it time, letting others support you along the way, and keeping an eye on the good things in your life can make all the difference.
多給自己一些時(shí)間，讓別人一路支持你，不要忘記生活中美好的事物，這便是其中的秘訣。
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