Whether we like it or not, conflict is an inevitable part of life for our students. It can occur with a roommate in boarding school, perhaps with a home-stay parent or even with another student or individual in the classroom.
We have all witnessed situations where young people with different backgrounds and ideas have clashed, and we’ve all understood that quite often negative outcomes usually result.
The fact that conflict exists and at times cannot be avoided is not the issue here. The real issue has to do with what our students can do to resolve the conflict in a way that is a win-win for both individuals.
無(wú)論我們喜歡與否，沖突都是學(xué)生生活中不可避免的一部分。沖突可能發(fā)生在與室友之間，或是與住家家長(zhǎng)之間，甚至與學(xué)校同學(xué)之間。
我們都見(jiàn)證了一切情況，擁有不同背景和想法的年輕人會(huì)產(chǎn)生沖突，
事實(shí)上，沖突的存在和不可避免不是主要的問(wèn)題。我們的學(xué)生在發(fā)生沖突后如何解決沖突使得結(jié)果不向壞的方向發(fā)展，這才是問(wèn)題的關(guān)鍵。
Hello…My name is Daniel J. Maley and I serve as the Director of Student Services for Home at USA. The Master’s degree which I hold from Villanova University is in the area of College Counseling and Human Relations. Home at USA offers a complete College Application Program with experts who have personal connections with admission directors at colleges and universities. Home at USA have placed our students into top tier universities.
For 9th and 10th grade students, we offer the “Dream Achiever” program which begins the college application process well in advance and allows our students to have an advantage over students who delay in this all important process. Students learn about resume building, college interview tips, advanced reading and writing techniques and will come to know all the aspects that are important to college admission experts.
大家好，我是Daniel J. Maley，主管美國(guó)之家的學(xué)生服務(wù)。我在Villanova大學(xué)獲得教師咨詢以及人力關(guān)系碩士學(xué)位。美國(guó)之家同時(shí)也提供完整的大學(xué)申請(qǐng)服務(wù)，我們的申學(xué)專家與很多學(xué)府的招生官都有著私人聯(lián)系。美國(guó)之家?guī)椭覀兊膶W(xué)生有申請(qǐng)到最高層次的大學(xué)。
我們?yōu)?/span>9年級(jí)和10年級(jí)的學(xué)生提供“漸入佳境”項(xiàng)目，這個(gè)項(xiàng)目是為學(xué)生申請(qǐng)大學(xué)做準(zhǔn)備的，這個(gè)項(xiàng)目讓我們的學(xué)生在這個(gè)重要的過(guò)程中能夠領(lǐng)先別的學(xué)生做好準(zhǔn)備。項(xiàng)目中包含了創(chuàng)建簡(jiǎn)歷，大學(xué)面試技巧，高級(jí)的閱讀和寫作技巧，以及我們課程中涉及到內(nèi)容，都對(duì)大學(xué)招生專家非常重要。
Some basic points of conflict
關(guān)于沖突的基本知識(shí)點(diǎn)
Actually, conflict is a normal part of any healthy relationship. After all, two people can’t be expected to agree on everything, all the time. Learning how to deal with conflict—rather than avoiding it—is crucial. When conflict is mismanaged, it can cause great harm to a relationship, but when handled in a respectful, positive way, conflict provides an opportunity to strengthen the bond between two people.
Conflict triggers strong emotions and can lead to hurtfeelings, disappointment, and discomfort. When handled in an unhealthy manner,it can cause irreparable rifts, resentments, and break-ups. But when conflictis resolved in a healthy way, it increases our understanding of one another,builds trust, and strengthens our relationship bonds.
Home at USA offers ten very specific strategies for Conflict Resolution. By learning these skills for the resolution of conflict, you can keep your personal and college relationships strong and growing. If conflict is handled the correct way by our sons and daughters, a significant amount of respect will be generated and animosity will decrease. We first must understand the following about Conflict Management.
事實(shí)上，沖突是任何一段健康的關(guān)系中很正常的一部分。畢竟，兩個(gè)不同的人很難要求對(duì)方在任何事情上完全與自己一致。學(xué)會(huì)怎樣處理沖突——而不是避免沖突——是非常重要的。發(fā)生沖突后處理不善可能會(huì)導(dǎo)致對(duì)一段關(guān)系更大的傷害，但當(dāng)你通過(guò)積極的，尊重他人的方式處理沖突時(shí)，沖突甚至?xí)箖蓚€(gè)人的關(guān)系更加緊密。
沖突引發(fā)出強(qiáng)烈的情緒，也會(huì)導(dǎo)致有受傷、失落、不舒服的感覺(jué)。但當(dāng)我們用一種不合適不健康的方式去處理它的時(shí)候，它可能導(dǎo)致無(wú)法彌補(bǔ)的裂痕、怨恨、甚至是分手。但是當(dāng)我們用正確的方式去處理它時(shí)，它會(huì)讓我們更加明白對(duì)方，建立信任，并且加強(qiáng)我們的關(guān)系紐帶。
在我們的課程中我們會(huì)給學(xué)生提供十種詳細(xì)的處理沖突的策略。學(xué)習(xí)這種處理沖突的技巧，可以使你和學(xué)校的關(guān)系牢固并且不斷在發(fā)展。如果你的孩子用正確的方式處理，那么尊重會(huì)自然而然發(fā)生，孩子間也不會(huì)產(chǎn)生仇恨。首先，我們必須要了解一下關(guān)于沖突管理的內(nèi)容。
A conflict is more than just a disagreement. It is a situation in which one or both parties perceive a threat (whether or not the threat is real).
Conflicts continue to fester when ignored. Because conflicts involve perceived threats to our well-being and survival, they stay with us until we face and resolve them.
We respond to conflicts based on our perceptions ofthe situation, not necessarily to an objective review of the facts. Our perceptions are influenced by our life experiences, culture, values, and beliefs. Cultural differences are particularly important in recognizing how individuals respond to conflict. In some cultural backgrounds, the conflict is contained between the two individuals, in the United States, a higher authority generally will step in to help mediate the conflict. Also, in the United States there should never be a threat of violence or the actual use of violence between the conflicted individuals. According to U.S. law, a person can be arrested for the threat of physical violence which is technically considered an “assault”. This is why methods used in conflict resolution are so important.
Conflicts trigger strong emotions. If you aren’t comfortable with your emotions or able to manage them in times of stress, you won’t be able to resolve conflict successfully.
Conflicts are an opportunity for growth. When you’re able to resolve conflict in a relationship, it builds trust. You can feel secure knowing your relationship can survive challenges and disagreements.
沖突不只是意見(jiàn)不同。這是在某種情況下，一方或雙方感受到威脅（不論這種威脅是否是真實(shí)存在的）。
當(dāng)你可以回避時(shí)，沖突會(huì)繼續(xù)惡化。因?yàn)闆_突使我們感知到威脅，它會(huì)一直存在，直到我們面對(duì)并解決它們。
我們對(duì)沖突的回應(yīng)基于我們對(duì)形勢(shì)的看法，并不一定是對(duì)客觀事實(shí)的看法。我們對(duì)事物的看法受到生活經(jīng)歷、文化、價(jià)值觀、信仰等等的影響。文化的不同對(duì)判斷一個(gè)人對(duì)沖突的反應(yīng)來(lái)說(shuō)，是最特別和具體的。在一些文化背景中，沖突發(fā)生在兩方之間，例如在美國(guó)，上級(jí)通常將會(huì)介入幫助調(diào)解沖突。另外，在美國(guó)最不應(yīng)該發(fā)生使用暴力威脅他人，或是使用暴力解決沖突。根據(jù)美國(guó)法律，一個(gè)人可以因?yàn)橹w的武力威脅被逮捕。這就是為什么解決沖突的方式至關(guān)重要。
沖突引發(fā)強(qiáng)烈的情緒。如果你感到情緒不好或是你感到很難控制情緒，那么你就很難成功處理好沖突。
沖突是讓你成長(zhǎng)的一個(gè)機(jī)會(huì)。當(dāng)你有能力處理好一段關(guān)系中的沖突的時(shí)候，它會(huì)使你建立信任。你能夠感覺(jué)到安全，你們的這段關(guān)系能夠接受挑戰(zhàn)和分歧。
Strategies for Conflict Resolution
沖突解決策略
Of the Ten Strategies for Conflict Resolution, allow me to mention one or two.
First… When angry, it is important to separate yourself from the situation and take time to cool off. This puts time and space between you and the other individual which can allow you to review the facts and to see the point of view of the other person. If you listen and understand what the other person is saying, that would be at least a step in the right direction.
Another point would be to never jump to conclusions or make assumptions about what another person is thinking and feeling. Most likely, you will be wrong and the conflict has a 100% chance of continuing.
In the end, controllingyour behavior and your emotions is of critical importance in learning to manageconflict. In fact, conflict can actually be a good thing which can ultimately allow for growth. In fact, there is a fair amount of research that states that without conflicting points of view, progress cannot happen. Individuals simply stay in their safe positions, on their side of the divide with mutual understanding and acceptance far from achieved.
Resilience which means how quickly your son or daughter finds the inner strength to keep going in a meaningful and positive direction. How quickly do they bounce back from anegative situation?
Resilient people don't dwell on failures, they acknowledge the situation for what it is, learn from mistakes that may have been made and then move forward.
Difficulties in life occurand resilience people view difficulty as a challenge not a paralyzing event. They see lessons to be learned as opportunities for growth.
In general, focus on positive thoughts and continue your commitment to the goals you have set and move on.
In conclusion, the ability to successfully resolve conflict depends on the students' ability to remain calm and avoid disrespectful words and actions. In addition, they need to be able to control their emotions and to be respectfulof differences which are important keys to conflict management.
在這十個(gè)策略中，請(qǐng)容許我簡(jiǎn)短的介紹一到兩個(gè)。
首先，當(dāng)我們感到憤怒的時(shí)候，最重要的是將你自己從當(dāng)下的環(huán)境中抽離出來(lái)，讓自己冷靜。這使得你和他人都留有時(shí)間和空間，能夠讓你重新回顧一下事情并且站在不同的角度看問(wèn)題。如果你能聽(tīng)懂并且明白他人在講什么，那么你至少向?qū)Φ姆较蜻~出了一步。
另一點(diǎn)是不要過(guò)早下結(jié)論或假設(shè)另一個(gè)人的想法和感受。最有可能發(fā)生的是，你的猜測(cè)是錯(cuò)誤的，并且沖突有100%可能會(huì)繼續(xù)發(fā)生。
最后，在沖突管理中，控制你的行為和情緒是首要任務(wù)。事實(shí)上，沖突可以在一個(gè)人的成長(zhǎng)當(dāng)中變成一件好的事情。有很多研究報(bào)告指出沒(méi)有沖突，進(jìn)步就不會(huì)發(fā)生。當(dāng)一個(gè)人固守在他的安全區(qū)域中，那么他離與他人相互理解和接受就相距甚遠(yuǎn)。
當(dāng)問(wèn)題和沖突發(fā)生時(shí)，學(xué)生的心理復(fù)原能力顯得尤為重要。所謂復(fù)原能力，就是當(dāng)您的孩子在遇到困難和挫折時(shí)如何快速地調(diào)整心態(tài)、找準(zhǔn)方向、恢復(fù)信心和積極向上的態(tài)度。
復(fù)原能力強(qiáng)的人從不懼怕失敗，而是接受現(xiàn)實(shí)，從失敗中學(xué)習(xí)，并且繼續(xù)前行。
困難常常有，而復(fù)原能力強(qiáng)的人，會(huì)將困難視為挑戰(zhàn)，且不會(huì)一錯(cuò)再錯(cuò)，他們總能從失敗中吸取教訓(xùn)，改善自我。
總之，就是要保持積極的態(tài)度，向著自己堅(jiān)持的目標(biāo)為之努力，不斷前進(jìn)。
因此，能否成功處理好沖突的關(guān)鍵取決于孩子能否保持冷靜和避免無(wú)理言行的能力。另外，他們需要學(xué)會(huì)控制自己的情緒，這也是解決沖突的關(guān)鍵。
Thank you for your willingness to listen and participate in today’s WeChat from Home at USA. Until the next time, all the best. For more knowledge of Conflict Resolution, please join our Dream Achiever program.
非常感謝大家參與今天的微信分享，在美國(guó)之家漸入佳境項(xiàng)目中，有關(guān)于沖突管理話題更加完整的知識(shí)和更加充分的討論，歡迎參與。
提問(wèn)互動(dòng)環(huán)節(jié)
Q：如果當(dāng)小朋友間出現(xiàn)肢體沖突時(shí)候，弱勢(shì)一方是否應(yīng)該逃離或者報(bào)警？
A：（譯）一般情況下，遇到這樣的問(wèn)題，我們建議先聯(lián)系老師或者主要負(fù)責(zé)人介入其中，了解一下事情是怎么發(fā)生的，而不是直接去報(bào)警。
Q：你們的漸入佳境課程還會(huì)對(duì)學(xué)生面對(duì)做更具體的指導(dǎo)嗎？
A：（譯）是的，我們漸入佳境課程有具體的指導(dǎo)。事實(shí)上，我們會(huì)提供各種各樣的話題，學(xué)生可以自由選擇，比如今天談到的沖突管理就是其中的課程之一。
Q：當(dāng)孩子發(fā)生沖突后是選擇“私了”好還是選擇“報(bào)告老師”或者“報(bào)警”？什么沖突一定要報(bào)警？
A：（譯）沖突發(fā)生之后，最好的解決方式首選是孩子們自行處理，這樣的話他們會(huì)學(xué)會(huì)冷靜和如何理解對(duì)方。另一種方法就是去找老師或者調(diào)解人，而不是警察。因?yàn)橐话闱闆r一般需要找警察的情況都是會(huì)發(fā)生非常嚴(yán)重的情況的時(shí)候，也就是連老師或者調(diào)解人都無(wú)法調(diào)解時(shí)候才會(huì)讓警察來(lái)介入。
Q：中國(guó)留學(xué)生在美國(guó)屬于少數(shù)族裔，美國(guó)有什么特別法律對(duì)少數(shù)族裔進(jìn)行保護(hù)嗎？
A：（譯）根據(jù)美國(guó)的法律，平等是最終的，所以法律適用于所有人，包括少數(shù)人。法律會(huì)保護(hù)所有人，這也是美國(guó)法律的魅力之處。
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