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【每日情感】情感必修課:4大感情錯(cuò)誤千萬(wàn)不要犯(雙語(yǔ))

【每日情感】情感必修課:4大感情錯(cuò)誤千萬(wàn)不要犯(雙語(yǔ))

(2013-05-18 22:12:55)

                   

It’s been a few months and what was just a fling has turned into a full blown relationship. Now is usually the point where things start going to the dumps and your perfect relationship ends in a fiery cloud of smoke.

幾個(gè)月過(guò)去了,曾經(jīng)的美好早已支離破碎。到底是什么讓這段完美的感情走到盡頭,煙消云散?

This time it’s going to be different. This one is going to be really perfect and you’re not going to make the same mistakes as last time. Just make sure you’re not making any of the following common relationship mistakes or that fiery cloud is going to make its appearance once again.

這次要做點(diǎn)改變。下一段感情一定要完美,你不能再犯同樣的錯(cuò)誤。先看看下面一些常見(jiàn)的感情錯(cuò)誤,確保不再犯,否則烏云還是會(huì)再次出現(xiàn)影響你們的感情。

1. Don’t Stand Up For Yourself

不為自己說(shuō)話

This is an all too-common habit of both men and women. The same feeling of lack of self-worth is behind this habit for both genders, but it manifests itself differently.

這是男女之間太常見(jiàn)的問(wèn)題。這一習(xí)慣的背后是兩性之間自我價(jià)值的缺失感,只是表達(dá)方式有所不同。

Some men think that in order to remain in a woman’s good graces, you have to submit to everything she wants. If they start disagreeing with her, she’ll drop him like a hot potato. This couldn’t be further from the truth. Women want a strong gentleman, not a puppy. It seems as if men believe there are only two choices: (1) the pushover who puts up with everything, and (2) the hyper-masculine a-hole. They vacillate between these two, unable to see that there’s a perfect median. They end up resenting their partner instead of loving them.

有些男人覺(jué)得要想一直取悅女人就必須給她想要的一切。一旦他們?cè)谀滁c(diǎn)上不贊同女友,便會(huì)馬上被甩。這可真是大錯(cuò)特錯(cuò)。女人們想要的是堅(jiān)強(qiáng)的紳士,不是寵物。似乎男人們總覺(jué)得眼前只有兩個(gè)選擇:(1)忍受所有事情的好好先生;(2)大男子主義的霸權(quán)男。他們?cè)趦烧咧g跳躍,卻忽視了其實(shí)有一個(gè)完美的中間狀態(tài)。到最后他們就由愛(ài)生恨。

The same is true for women, except women will almost always express their resentment in the form of passive aggression. Don’t do this! There’s no need. A man doesn’t want a woman who can’t think for herself, or who pretends to agree with him and then punishes him with her passive aggressive tactics.

這點(diǎn)對(duì)于女人也同樣適用,只是女人常常以被動(dòng)的形式來(lái)表達(dá)自己的怨恨。千萬(wàn)別這樣!根本不需要。男人不想要一個(gè)完全不為自己考慮的女人,又或是假裝贊成他所有觀點(diǎn)再用被動(dòng)的情緒暗暗懲罰他的女人。

2. Accept Sacrifice As A Rule

把犧牲當(dāng)成規(guī)則

Most people are under the impression that love requires sacrifice. Now don’t get me wrong, I know that relationships require work and compromise, but they never require sacrifice. Let me tell you why.

很多人都覺(jué)得愛(ài)情需要犧牲。別誤會(huì)我的意思,我知道感情需要努力和妥協(xié),但絕對(duì)不需要犧牲。我來(lái)給你們解釋一下。

In any given situation, a sacrifice requires you to give up something you value more for something you value less. When you practice this concept in relationships it breeds resentment and anger. Instead, understand that your partner has had a life before you, and respect that he or she will not and should not change everything just because you asked.

在任何情況下,犧牲都意味著你需要放棄某些自己珍視的東西,來(lái)獲得你不是那么在乎的東西。如果在一段感情里,你做出了犧牲,只會(huì)滋長(zhǎng)你的怨恨和憤怒。相反,你需要理解另一半遇到你之前的生活,尊重他,不要希冀他會(huì)因?yàn)槟愕囊蟾淖兯械氖虑椤?/span>

For example, if your partner has a friend that makes you really uncomfortable because you just know that they have feelings for your partner. You have 3 choices; only one of which will lead to a healthy relationship:

比如,你的另一半有一個(gè)讓你覺(jué)得非常不舒服的朋友,因?yàn)樗?/span>/她也對(duì)你的另一半有感覺(jué),這種情況下你有三種選擇:只有一種做法是最合適正確的。

Ask your partner to stop being friends with this person as a necessary sacrifice they must make to stay in a relationship with you.

讓另一半遠(yuǎn)離這個(gè)人,就當(dāng)是為了你倆的感情做出的犧牲。

Pretend like you don’t care until all hell breaks out.

假裝完全不在意,直到自己再也受不了。

Tell your partner how you feel and see how you can work together to alleviate your fears. Maybe they invite you to become friends with this person, or they decide to not do certain things together, etc. Agree to a course of action that works for both of you.

告訴另一半你的感受,看看如何減少自己的恐懼。也許他們會(huì)讓你和這個(gè)人也去成為朋友,或是他們決定再也不一起做某些特定的事情。這樣對(duì)你倆都有好處。

You should never feel pressured to sacrifice something you don’t want to give up for your significant other, unless your relationship is worth way more than the sacrifice. Maybe you give up smoking in the house for this person, or move across the country and give up your house because you want them in your life. Remember to do so because you want to and not because you have to.

你也不能勉強(qiáng)自己去做任何犧牲,除非這段感情非常非常重要,值得去放棄其他。也許你可以為了這個(gè)人在房子里戒煙?;蚴菫榱嗽谝黄鸢犭x這座城市。要記住確保這些都是你自己想做的,而非不得不做的。

3. Rely On Telepathy To Communicate

依賴心靈感應(yīng)的交流

Contrary to popular belief, this is a relationship crime committed by both men and women equally.

和大眾觀點(diǎn)相反,這也是男女之間最容易犯的錯(cuò)誤。

Gentlemen. Please don’t assume that your partner knows that you think they’re gorgeous. Don’t assume that you don’t have to say how much you care about them. They can’t read your mind and if you don’t say it they’ll never know. So remember, say it and say it often.

男人們,別認(rèn)為你的另一半知道在你眼里她們很美麗,別覺(jué)得無(wú)需多說(shuō)到底你有多在乎她們。她們不會(huì)讀心術(shù),如果你不說(shuō),她們永遠(yuǎn)不會(huì)知道,所以記住,要說(shuō)出來(lái),經(jīng)常說(shuō)。

Ladies. I know you think it’s romantic for your partner to know what’s bothering you, but it’s just not realistic or fair. Women want to believe that their perfect partner will just know what’s wrong or, even worse, they’ll know what to do to make it right. Trust me, we know that it ruins the fairy tale, but you’re just going to have to get over it. You’ll probably going to have to tell him when he makes you angry, because he literally doesn’t know. Yes, it’s hard to believe. I promise that he’s not ignoring you or doing something to spite you. He’s clueless. Tell him and then tell him what he can do better next time and how to make it OK this time.

女人們,我知道被一個(gè)男人理解你的煩心事是多么浪漫的一件事,但這毫不實(shí)際。女人們總是希望另一半恰恰好了解到底出了什么問(wèn)題,或甚至是該怎么把事情做對(duì)。相信我,雖然這會(huì)破壞你們的幻想,但是你必須要克服這種想法。你必須告訴他到底他做了什么讓你生氣,因?yàn)樗拇_不知道。難以置信是么?我打賭他并不是忽視你,又或是故意做其他事惹你生氣,他是真的沒(méi)有意識(shí)到。告訴他,然后讓他下次改進(jìn)以及這次如何彌補(bǔ)。

4. Slack Off As Soon As Possible

很快就懈怠

Now that you’re both comfortable with each other, you start getting sloppy. Everything your partner loved about you in the beginning is starting to fade away.

當(dāng)兩個(gè)人在一起十分舒服,你便開(kāi)始有些懈怠了。所有另一半愛(ài)你的一切慢慢消失不見(jiàn)。

Guys. Remember when you were so sweet and attentive? You were romantic and you were considerate. Where did that guy go? Why isn’t he here anymore and how can we get him back? It’s not OK to stop doing these things when you feel you’ve got her in the bag. There’s going to be a gentlemen around the corner who’s going to go the extra mile and you’ll be left in the dust.

男人們。想想你上次表現(xiàn)的又貼心和周到是什么時(shí)候?你是多么的浪漫和細(xì)心,這個(gè)你去哪里了?為什么現(xiàn)在不再是這樣,怎么才能把那個(gè)他找回來(lái)呢?不是說(shuō)得到她之后你就可以減少關(guān)心在乎,不然你就小心一個(gè)紳士不知不覺(jué)把你的女友搶走吧。

Women aren’t off the hook either. It’s about doing the best you can with what you have and taking pride in your appearance. It sounds shallow, but you can’t expect your partner to be equally attracted to a slob and a lady. It doesn’t work that way. He’ll find a woman who loves herself and who’s willing to take care of herself for longer than 3 months.

女人們也別懈怠下來(lái)。好好的收拾下自己,為自己的外表自豪。這聽(tīng)起來(lái)有點(diǎn)膚淺,但一個(gè)懶女人和一個(gè)美女人,你覺(jué)得你男友會(huì)選誰(shuí)?最終就是,他會(huì)選擇去找一個(gè)既愛(ài)自己又懂得照顧自己超過(guò)三個(gè)月的女人。

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