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Things My Mother Taught Me

------Anonymous

My mother taught me to appreciate a job well done:

"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning!"

My mother taught me religion:

"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

My mother taught me about time travel:

"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

My mother taught me logic:

"Because I said so, that's why."

My mother taught me foresight:

"Be sure you wear clean underwear in case you're in an accident."

My mother taught me about contortion:

"Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck!"

My mother taught me about stamina:

"You'll sit there till all that spinach is finished."

My mother taught me about weather:

"It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."

My mother taught me how to solve physics problems:

"If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you, would you listen then?"

My mother taught me about envy:

"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"

母親教我的

母親教我如何珍惜他人辛苦勞動：

“如果你們要打架，到外邊打去——我剛整理好房間！”

母親教我什么是宗教：

“你最好祈禱那個東西能從地毯下冒出來。”

母親教我什么是時間旅行：

“你要是不改，我把你一把推到下周三！”（意為：不讓過周末。）

母親教我什么是邏輯：

“為什么？因為我就是這么說的！”

母親教我什么是遠見：

“一定要穿干凈內衣，以防萬一你遇到事故?！?/p>

母親教我什么是柔體雜技：

“你能不能看看你脖子后面的泥！”

母親教我什么是耐力：

“坐在那兒，直到把所有的菠菜吃完。”

母親教我如何識天氣：

“好像有龍卷風席卷過你的房間。”

母親教我如何解決物理學問題：

“如果我高聲叫喊，是因為我看見有一顆流星正朝你俯沖而來，那你會不會聽我的話？”

母親教我什么是嫉妒：

“這世界上有數(shù)百萬不幸的孩子，他們可沒有你這么好的父母?！?/p>